KT ED

kate nash

2010-01-31T12:09:00.001-08:00

Kate Nash
Originally uploaded by beezeebeebee

for tumblr

oh how i missed theeee

2010-01-03T00:00:00.001-08:00

i have not forgotten about you blogspot!
i still love you, man.

i think that this past week i've done a considerable amount of damage.
the reason why i'm so bitter and hateful is because i actually miss being your friend,
and how things used to be.
but i know that won't happen again, so this is my immature way of getting over it.
i see stupid things that remind me of how dumb we were, and i miss it.
i know it's kinda prideful to say this, but i don't think i was the one that changed.
i think it was you. but, people change, and there's no blame.

and to be very honest,
i was cleaning out my room today.
i found a lot of old memories from when i was dating tim.
they were all very nice to look back upon.
they made me realize that i do kinda like relationships.
and maybe i am not so much afraid of commitment as i previously was.
i kinda enjoy being secure and loved.
i don't really feel that anymore, and i used to not miss it...but now, i guess i sorta do.

whatever. i don't want to think too hard.
hahaha, goodnight y'all.

it's getting late

2009-12-16T22:07:00.000-08:00

and your dinner is getting cold.

God is good. all the time.
praise Him.

my little piggy

2009-12-03T23:22:00.000-08:00

he sits next to my computer.
he's really cute.
he's white and has a star on his head.
i don't know how to spell his name,
but my sister named him bunjow or something.

why is it that half of my friends make me want to throw up cause i'm so sick of being around them?

hectic

2009-11-30T23:50:00.000-08:00

i should have taken my pills 2 hours ago.
then i wouldnt be awake.
if i take it now, i will not be able to wake up tomorrow morning.

this has been the craziest weekend of my life.
after all of this, to think that i have to go through it at least one more time.
my heart was settled, but now its changed.

God really does provide miracles.

it's in His will.

im going to school tomorrow for the first time in a long time.

i can't think past tomorrow.

stay with me

2009-11-24T09:38:00.000-08:00

no matter what it takes just say you'll say
just say you'll stay

working on my college apps.
i think that inspiration comes from hardcore sitting still for hours at end.

i guess with all this craziness i don't have time to think about things like that.
its a bit trivial.

but i guess its just cause i'm used to waiting like this.
only a couple of months.

and why would i dream about something like that?
that shouldn't have even crossed my mind.
because it's pointless and will only cause me pain.

it's no surprise i can't forget you
no matter what i do
i will always carry you in my heart

bad romance

2009-11-16T22:31:00.000-08:00

i really am not a fan of lady gaga.
but i admit to dancing to a myriad of her songs.
it's pretty fun.
and i quote,

"Won't people get upset that they don't have their Lady GaGa for a dance?" -Sara La Framboise
"Yes. Me." -KT Edwards
------<3
Despite all that's happened this year, I'm very thankful for everyone and everything.
If I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm ready to get out.
I'm sick of studying and I want something more meaningful.
I enjoy nature, but I love the city lights.

There's gotta be more out there than just high school.
And I do high school well.
It suits me.

Still. There's more out there, and I'm determined to find it.

i asked God who i'm supposed to be

2009-11-13T15:53:00.001-08:00

the stars smiled down on me
God answered in silent reverie
i said a prayer and fell asleep

chemical unbalances, frivolous cells

it eats away even as i cease

winter calls from the tips on my fingers

down to the heels of my feet

pain struck me down as i held on to my sanity

the pallor is welcomed into my visage

my alarm clock never seems to give enough

take, take, take

that's all you do

Other side effects of celiac disease can cause symptoms that can be mistaken for depression. For example, a deficiency in folic acid due to malabsorption can cause fatigue, apathy and forgetfulness. Iron deficiency, with or without anemia, can produce feelings of tiredness and easy fatigue.

how do i get better once i've had the best

2009-11-03T22:47:00.000-08:00

i actually sorta miss you a lot.
but saturday i get to see you.
and i'm super excited.
it's been too long. and it's not fair that you are so far away ):

i know you think im SUPER lame and everything, but i honestly don't care!
you are just too freakin good my dear (:

i hardly have time to blog anymore, but i felt like skipping some hw.

the weirdest things remind me of you, and i love it.

they began to breathe

2009-10-23T16:40:00.001-07:00

i began my culinary school entrance essay today.
i wrote three sentences then began to cry.
i always thought i would end up bull shitting my essays.
they would be about an emotional and life changing moment.
but that moment would be derived only from my imagination.
as i began to write, i couldn't help but realize why i was doing it.
the story was true.
it couldn't be more fitting to what i want it to be.
the person i am writing about, the situation, the circumstances.
all of it is true.
i feel like this essay embodies my heart.
which in a sense, it really needs to.

i just can't help but cry.
it's so depressing.

but i'm afraid that when they read it, they will only ask; "why is she even trying?"

i can transform yaaa

2009-10-19T20:55:00.000-07:00

i just took my medicine
and now my throat feels weird
i dont think i had enough water for my 8 pills ):

you got it you got it anything you want i can transform ya like a transformer

fuckcollegeapps.
i need to get started sooon. ugh.
let's give up, yes???!?!!?!
JUST START GETTING SERIOUS.
DGAF LIFE.
im serious.
i dgaf everything i do now.
except for ASB.
senioritisx10000.
all i do is chill and go out.

i spend my free time looking up sadies ideas and asb crap.

fuuuuuuu.

i want to go dancing.
hc wasn't enough (:

lil wayne is dooope.
notice how he is in every single song?

but forsrs.

if you ain't been apart of it, at least you get to witness biiitches.

haven't met you yet

2009-10-12T20:22:00.000-07:00

i think i met you.

genetics have failed me.

i can't stop sneezing

2009-10-03T22:53:00.000-07:00

guerilla tactix (10:52:54 PM): You see my dear Katie

ian mcnicol is hilarious.

well.
i can't say that i'm all for this, but i'm just going to smile and pretend like it's a good idea.
i know what's going to happen.
and i'll be sad.

i've been thinking about you lately.
i really want winter to come.
i think we would look cute dressed in winter clothes.

it makes me sad that i can't help my friends.
although, it is haughty of me to say that i offer valuable advice.
but, i sit around thinking i could prevent them from doing something...
it's too damn hard.
i wish they would just listen.
i guess that's what high school is about, right?

its burning us all

2009-09-30T21:04:00.000-07:00

this fire,
it's burning us all.

http://www.sweetandsaucyshop.com/

i'm risking it.

there has gotta be more than this.

i'm ready to just go go go go.

my brain and tongue just met.

sometimes i like how i never eat lunch with the same people every day.
i get to talk to a lot of people. (:

"are you okay?"
"tired of drama"

i guess so

2009-09-27T13:15:00.000-07:00

for the past month i've been rushing around.
just getting homework done, studying, going to school.
everyday i think about ASB
and i think about the SAT
and i think about college.

but i realized.
there needs to be more than this.
there has to be something more meaningful than high school.

every weekend
i tell myself
i should go to church
or should go to LA to see my friends.

i end up staying up till 12 working on AP econ
and doing stats.
and studying for the SAT.
as soon as the SAT ends,
it's all about college apps.
and after that...i have a a couple months break
before AP tests.

so everyone says this is what you're supposed to do senior year.

why is it that it makes me depressed to think about it?
i'm supposed to be excited for the future.
i don't even like living in the present.

thinking about college and school...it makes me miserable.
and it makes me feel even worse, that i'm going to go through with it anyways.

i wish i could just go to culinary school.
it would make me so happy.

but i'm not going to. uc system..for the win, i guess...

everyday i see my dream

2009-09-06T17:42:00.000-07:00

blaaah! i made 7 layer jello.
it's in the fridge setting.
ruth! come and take pictures! (:

MY life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.

I'M SO HYPER.
I ATE SOOO MANY CANDIES TODAY

but i can't right now, so baby kiss me through the phone

my first saturday of senior year

2009-09-05T13:18:00.000-07:00

and it's george's birthday! (:

well, i'm going to make okinawa dango this weekend. i'm really really excited! i got the recipe from the foodlibrarian.blogspot.com and i've been craving donuts since eggert was talking about it in econ. but i'm switching the regular flour for gluten free flour. :P

Okinawan Dangos

Mix together in large bowl:
3 c flour
1 T baking powder
1 c sugar
1/2 t salt

Beat together in small bowl or measuring glass:
5 eggs
1/4 c milk
1 t vanilla

Mix the dry and wet batches together by hand (with a wooden spoon or spatula) until dough forms. Do not overmix.

Heat a wok or deep-fryer with vegetable or canola oil. Form dough into small balls with your hands or with an ice cream scoop/cookie dough disher before dropping into the oil. Fry until golden brown. Makes 36 dangos.

and i'm super tired.

and frick.
i ate mi xao yesterday...
that was a mistake.
i got sick ):

crash

2009-09-02T22:06:00.000-07:00

i knew that this day would come.
everything that i forgot over the summer came back.
i'm so unbelievably depressed and stressed out that i just crashed.
i have no support and i have no one to turn to.
i have too many responsibilities and too many tasks.

i cannot stop crying.
there's a million problems.
literally. i have a lot of things i need to do, and it's only going to get worse.
i'm just wasting time until i quit.

i honestly want it to be over.
i hate this disease.
i hate this school year.
i hate everything.

i lost it all.

i can't help it

2009-08-28T18:42:00.001-07:00

when i'm with you

why would anybody want to fall in love?

summer was amazing.
i love relaxing.
i love not caring.
although i did a lot.
i loved the relationships i made.
i loved everything.

i can't help but smile every time i hear the cd.
i listen to it all the time.
it's really cute. (:

gossshhh i can't wait for school to start.
i'm ready to take on all the pressure.
i'm still in such a good place.
i love life so much right now!
thank the Lord.

i still have yet to do my french hw.
and i still have to do more asb stuff.
blah blah blah. i need monies and time.

i'm seriously considering culinary school.
i can get a lot of scholarships with my current academic standing. HOLLA!

raffi's house tonight (: i'm excited.
i'm bringing the condensed milk! HF!

i wanna stand next to you for awhile
i wanna hear you say
i miss you more than you even know

blaah oct 14th. right? i'm waiting, foooool.

edit

2009-08-26T15:02:00.000-07:00

i wanna hear you say

2009-08-23T20:23:00.000-07:00

i miss you more than you even know

i'm sooo happy. it's ridiculous.
i have such amazing friends.
and i'm overwhelmed by the community of love God has provided for me the past couple of weeks.
i've tried super hard to be outgoing...and an extrovert. i hated being so shy. and some certain things in my past sorta held me back from making new friends and enjoying it.
but after camp, i just felt relieved. like i can make a bunch of friends and not worry about them betraying me or leaving me.

and it's so awesome.
i love worshiping God at church. i haven't been in so long. it felt amazing.

i'm so thankful. for all of my friends at PCJC.

this is such a emotional blog for me.
i guess cause i just spent the last couple of hours with my girls. and i love them with all my heart. i need hawaii. i think we all do a little bit.

and it's just. so bittersweet. to have it all, but have nothing at the same time.

i honestly love it so much though.
and i know it will be difficult. but i have so much faith.
i have such a ridiculous amount of faith that it scares me.

and i seriously love mae, like it's so stupid how much i feel like crying.
hahahaha.

all that i have is yours. all that i am is yours.

it's moments like these, where i just know God is providing, that keep my faith strong.

i smile so much.
even though i'm living off of 2 hours of sleep...i've never felt more alive.

i'm not just living, i'm alive.

but, i can't help but be pissed off.
why are you so difficult.
why do i even care?
why do i love you like i do....
my life would be easier without you.

busybusybusy

2009-08-21T23:54:00.000-07:00

i'm surprised that i found time to blog.
maybe because its late.

i've been waking up at 7 every single morning this week!
and sometimes earlier.
link crew&asb dominated my life this week!
and theres still more to come next week.

i had fun at koko's bday party.
i got to hang out with some friends. (:

and yeah.
pretty excited for the bonfire and sleepover tmrw.

alll daaay everry daay i need ya!

2009-08-16T11:03:00.001-07:00

happy birthday mr. tim xue!
thank you for everything you've done for me.
i have so many amazing memories with you, and i love each one of them.
you have always been there for me. i'm so happy that i met you this year and that we became such good friends. i'm praying for you while you're in Duke. you will do amazing things and i'm so thankful to be apart of your story. you are an exceptional person! i've never met anyone quite like you! so express your uniqueness and live life to the fullest. take advantage of all opportunities, and i love you so much! (: good luck with everything you're trying for. and i'll always be there for you when you need me or even when you don't need me. thanks for everything, and WHOOO YEAH 18 FOOOOOOL! (:

// basic last night was a lot of fun. i actually met a really cool person. she was...really inspiring and really nice. i love her already! and yeaaaah. seeing my girls and nicko was awesome too! I CAN'T WAIT FOR BONFIRE NEXT WEEK. i think i'm going to take my license test soon. so i can finally drive. ha. <3

my voice is lost

2009-08-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

and i sound kinda stupid.

asb camp was a lot of fun.
i learned a lot.
and i cheered a lot.
i love cheering. (:

//
i don't want you to feel lonely. i don't want to hurt you.
we are still really close. we are still good with each other.
its not like i stopped caring about you.
i know it's going to be scary, but i'm not leaving you alone.

i promise you, i'm doing the best i can

2009-08-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

i'm going to asb camp!
i felt this way last year, like replacing my church camp with this one.
hopefully it doesn't diminish my spirits or anything.
i'm excited already to come home...
because i have something to look forward to...
but i'm also nervous.

we pass just close enough to touch
we love in secret names
we hid within our veins
the things that keep us bound to one another

PCJC 2009

2009-08-09T12:24:00.001-07:00

i still miss it a lot.
i love my cabin lois. and i love cabin thomas. (:
everything about camp was amazing. i enjoyed every single second of it.
i only made a couple new friends, but i strengthened the relationships i already had.
i can't begin to explain how many miracles were performed at camp.
or what i did. it would honestly be too much of a hassle! i'm too lazy.
plus, i think i'm going write up a lengthy post on my SECRET BLOG about some emotions and what not.
all i can say is GOD PROVIDES. GOD IS GOOD. GOD IS HERE.

you gave me your jacket, i gave you my hair tie.
i don't quite think it was an even trade.

edddiiiiit:

it hasn't even been 24 hrs since i've been home and i'm already SUPER pissed. no joke. i spent about $100 on asb clothes that don't even fit me.
i need to just get rid of this frustration. srs not worth it.
ugggh. i just feel bad. i make my parents buy me all this stuff that is worthless.
honestly, do i look like a unisex american apparel size medium? NO. I'M AN EXTRA SMALL. stupid. gosh. i'm only freaking 100 pounds!!! HOW DOES THAT SAY MEDIUM TO YOU?!

i hate school/asb. it makes me so angry. and being angry isn't worth it. ):

prayer is the best form of therapy

2009-07-31T20:20:00.000-07:00

i'm scared right now.
i can't stop imagining something happening and it will be the end.
i can't stop praying or crying.
i feel like every second is so delicate.

i remember staying up all night at june lake and talking about our grandpa's and everything.
you were one of the only ones to stick with me.
i don't ever remembering you missing a birthday call.
or a call to catch up.
you could always make me laugh
and when things went wrong you always knew how to comfort me.
i've known you my whole entire life and i'm so happy you've been there forever.

thanks for all the memories. you're always in my prayers. God will take care of you, Michael, and you'll make it out just fine. things will be okay and in a couple of weeks you'll be home and we can hang out. God will do amazing things. be strong.

please pray for my friend michael ohno. he just went through an intense surgery and is currently recovering.

it's just too good

2009-07-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

now that tim is leaving, i'm going to be really lonely.
i know we get into a lot of fights.
and i know we don't always get along.
we seem to always argue
and i seem to always be upset.
but you know, right after he left my house at 5 today...
i felt so alone.
i miss him so much already, and he hasn't even left yet.

i used to think that i would be okay when he left for school.
now, i don't really know anymore.

i'm always tired! i around 3 pm...i always feel like taking a super long nappy nap.

this is my last week of summer basically.
i have a lot to do.

make costumes for asb camp
finish bubbles
prepare for asb camp
prepare for church camp
finish french hw

"i don't want to be alive, i want to live"

if you fall back into my life

2009-07-26T22:52:00.001-07:00

i promise you i would never let another day just pass us by
i want to be your only one

i hate waking up early every single morning.
i am happy to quit work after this week.
i'm really excited for church camp...i really love it up there.
i wish i was at camp now. i wish camp was more than just 6 days.
i leave this sunday and i return next saturday.
it's going to be an interesting year, but i know God will have a lot to teach me.
i'm willing to listen and i'm eager to learn.
i've had some mixed feelings about this for awhile.
but i'm so dependent on God...
He is my answer.

it's like forgetting

2009-07-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

the words to your favorite song
you can't believe it,
you were always singing along
it was so easy
and the words so sweet
you can't remember
you try to feel the beat

i guess this is a blessing.
i feel like everything will just get worse.
we are just hanging on to our lives.
i wish it was easier, but it isn't.
i'll be gone for awhile.
hopefully i'm able to find myself.
and find the answers.
although, i'm too afraid to ask the questions.
it was never easy,
but i did it anyways
right now, i can't really remember why.
i guess that's just something i have to look forward to
my legs are a bit sore from yesterday.
but the feeling of just doing whatever you want was nice.
my hands smell like garlic.
it smells kinda nice but kinda gross.
i love flavor.
the risks we were taking
the mistakes we were making
at the time it all seemed worth it
but now i'm not so sure
all i know now is,
i have a wonderful boyfran, best fran, and sista.
even with all this crap from ASB and cosplay group going on...
i have people to rely on.
and i have God.
which makes my life...not easier...but...safer.

i don't know why i've been blogging so much.
i feel sorta stupid, seeing how my blog isn't on private. anyone can read this.

when you don't know who is reading your thoughts,
it makes it more genuine.

hiccups

2009-07-25T03:11:00.000-07:00

are very annoying.
it's about 3 am.
i'm super tired.
but super out of it.
i'm sorta pissed.
and nobody is online to vent to.
i guess i can vent tomorrow.
hopefully all goes as planned.
i just sneezed, and i think my hiccups went away.
thank God for that.
i should start packing for camp.
less than a week away.

sleeepy

2009-07-24T00:31:00.001-07:00

i should be asleep.
but i can't seem to get up and brush my teeth.
back and forth. back and forth.
i'm excited, but i don't want this summer to end.
i just want to walk around the streets clueless.
it seems more interesting that way, i guess.

live through this, and you won't look back
all this time you thought i was sad, i was trying to remember your name
i'm not sorry there's nothing to say

i guess so

2009-07-22T22:07:00.000-07:00

today was a bit disappointing.
but, i guess everything was for the best.
i still feel stupid.
and i guess...in the end...i got the outcome i least wanted.
and i was right. it did feel super crappy.

refusal.

2009-07-20T22:53:00.000-07:00

there's too much going on right now.
humans can be so stubborn.
so self righteous, prideful.

"people refuse to understand anyone else. to even think of someone else's position. it's insane."

i ran into street preachers today. they tried to tell me who God was.
they told me to go home and pray more.
they told me that i sin.
they told me a lot.
when i tried having a conversation about God, they shot me down.
they acted like i didn't know what i was talking about.
they acted like i was just trying to joke around.
i was serious.
it makes me sad to see my brothers and sisters being tormented by their own self-righteousness.
they told me they were sinners.
i told them i was too.
they still tried to act better than me.
i didn't really understand.
but i prayed for them tonight.

its alright.

2009-07-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

i feel so upset.
i haven't stopped crying for two whole days.
i'm sick of being pushed around and walked over.
there's so much i let slip past me because i don't want trouble.
sometimes, i feel if i say how i feel, it will be too mean.
i don't want people to feel upset with me.
and partly, i'm scared that if i say something mean to someone,
they might say something worse back.
even though they deserve it.
even though i'm trying my best.
is it really worth my efforts?
i wish thinks would fix themselves.
but then again, i do have God.

long live the king

2009-07-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

i eat curry almost everyday.
it's starting to make me full.

and they scream and they scream and they scream, "long live the king, long live the queen!"

i've been feeling sad lately.
i guess i'll just have to wait and see.

sometimes i'd stand by the royal wall
the sky'd be so big that it broke my soul
and i stood on my toes to catch a glimpse
of my mother's eyes and my mother's skin
and she retired to her chamber

hypocrite

2009-07-18T13:29:00.000-07:00

i hate feeling angry. but i can't help it.
you're such a hypocrite its ridiculous.

my teeth hurt

2009-07-17T23:32:00.000-07:00

my retainer kills me. it really does. my mouth has a heartbeat. and it beats fast.
why must you hurt me so, retainer?
haha. stupid. my mouth seriously is in pain. i have a legit retainer with rubber bands. its on the top of my mouth and the bottom. its better than braces i guess. haha.

i finally downloaded regina spektor's new album. it's really hot in my house.

i don't know what i'm more afraid of. i don't want any more regrets.
so i guess i'll just have to deal with the one i already hold.

i was walking through the city...like a drunk...but not.

LA tmrw. i'm stoked. (:

an addiction to hands and feet
there's a meat market down the street
the boys and girls watch each other eat
when they really just wanna watch each other sleep

i'm a bit over it, to be completely honest.

i was fine all day

2009-07-17T00:01:00.001-07:00

but now i feel sick.

taking my blood test on saturday.

we'll see how it turns out.

praying for the best.

i won't let this ruin me.

of each to his own

2009-07-13T14:34:00.001-07:00

i love blogging. i do it like errday now.

i don't want to live without you.
i don't want to live i don't want to live without you.
pull out your folding chair and take a seat next to me.

and i effing love regina spektor's new album. gosh. she is my favorite artist. ever!

leaves become most beautiful when they're about to die
when they're about to fall from trees and they're about to dry

work today was awesome. i got to sub for the 1st grade class! those kids are so effing cute. i love them!!! so i had a good day!

i just want to go walking through the city and admire life.
i wish i was in LA right now. i miss the city
i'm sick of these dull suburbs. i wish i could just run free through a field.
i guess, anywhere but here.

i want my computer to be fixed so i can update my ipod and put my music on there.
life is getting dull without a soundtrack to it.

i love mi xao! i love viet food. srs. its so good. i really want noodles. noodles are good. so yummy. i like crispy noodles! mi xao! plus mi xao is fun to say.

gosh dangit, why is regina spektors voice so inspiring?! i srs just want to dance around, dress trendy, and eat fruit.

and i want starbucks. srs. passion tea lemonade shaken.
i also want to cut my bangs. even though i just got a hair cut, i feel like dying it purple. or something q. i want flufffy haaair.
i want hair like mari! haha just kidding. okay this blog is turning into nothing.

the consequence of sounds.
the consonants and vowels.
i wanna turn it down, but there ain't no knob.

no one is laughing

2009-07-12T11:06:00.000-07:00

I love this post secret. I made some iced coffee. With soy milk and hazelnut cream...it was good. I then peeled some potatoes and carrots and now I'm grilling some corn. Later, I'm going to make banana bread. Yum.
Last night was fun. (:

let's live it up

2009-07-11T11:20:00.001-07:00

all the fears i've been having all year
they melted away last night
the friends i had
the friends i lost
it's all coming back
and i couldn't be happier
if it doesn't turn out the other way, it will always turn out one way
and i'm happy.

i love it.
so much.
God opened my heart last night.
and He told me that we're coming back.
i can't wait.

it's going to happen. and i miss you guys. seriously. it's so different now.

"but why should we sit around and think, 'the past was awesome', when we can have that now? just 10 times better...that's what i think..."

i'll be tossing rocks at your window.
just give me a fifth chance.

you have a cold kiss

2009-07-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

i remember a few years ago
you always let me down
but you picked me up when i couldn't manage to do it myself
i believed in you as much as i believed in the sun
now i feel the mixture of regret and belief
what will become of these?
the dark walks through out the forest
i feel as if that world is long gone, and i will never be apart of it again
but i long so much to see the dark again
the sun convinced me to turn my back,
but it wasn't worth it
i learned now that its really contagious
if i could waste more time, i would do it
but i could never be that same way as i was
that smile could never be the same
i just want it to happen again
i want to smile like i smiled in the dark
cause its no fun anymore my dear
i am sorry

i want to go back to where we were all friends.
i regret it all.
and i take responsibility for it all.
let's just pretend it never happened.
but then again, it's my inspiration.
and i am determined to make this work.
even if it kills me.

i wont go until you come outside

AX 2009

2009-07-05T20:55:00.000-07:00

So AX was filled with a lot of curry.
But I still managed to have fun. (:
Our room got messed up, but we managed to make it work. Thanks Dorothy for the airbeds.
Our Shaman King cosplay was amazing. We didn't have time to do a photoshoot, but I really wish we did. Masquerade also went really well! We got Best Group Presentation runner up! So yaaay! (: That's equivalent to 2nd Place.

I'm really going to miss PK! And everyone else.
I'm also excited for the bonfire. (:
And when Priscilla and I go to the Rilakkura store and buy everything.
Rilakkura is the cutest effing thing in the world.
I bought so much stuff.
<3 I miss AX...but AX10 will be amaaazing. (:

i didnt ask for this

2009-06-28T20:10:00.001-07:00

i didnt ask for you to come back
i wanted you to leave me alone
but its really not your fault
its all mine.

why is it so hot in here?
i can feel the rush throughout my body.

i would break you like a bad habit, but old habits die hard my friend.

ps. if you guys were wondering, the bird is now gone.
i think a cat got it.

my love

2009-06-27T21:48:00.001-07:00

i'm proud of me.
but more importantly, i'm thankful for God.

today, i noticed a tiny bird struggling in the dirt.
he was in my front yard, right next to the window.
his chirps were strained and constant, as if he was crying out for help.
he couldn't fly.
he couldn't walk.
he could barely move.
i saw other birds pass him by, but none stopped to help.
he was going to die.
i couldn't do anything about it either.
his legs were very long, and his wings too short. it seemed that he was born with a defect and was left to die.
he didn't have a chance. not even for one minute. he was born ready to die.
i went outside to look around for a nest that he could have fallen from.
there was nothing. no where to go. he had no place to be.
i watched him all day. i felt helpless. i felt angry at the other birds for not helping.
my grandma finally said, "why would God hurt something that didn't do anything wrong."
at first, i couldn't think of a response.
but, as i watched the other birds peck at him and then fly off, i realized something.
why aren't we helping.

all the time, i see people blame God for their misfortunes. when something tragic happens, they blame God and say that this person did nothing wrong. but the truth is, we don't do much right. we are far more vicious than any action God could take. when we see homeless people, how many times do we stop and help? when we see someone struggling, how many times do we stop and help? as our nation is being corrupted and spoiled, what actions are we taking to stop it? all those children who are suffering, for whatever reason, what are you doing to help them?
to those people who say that God doesn't exist, or if he does he is only cruel, you are worse.
if you could only see the good that God creates, perhaps you would be able to understand that in reality these opportunities come up so you can help. we are all selfish, but those who blame God for their problems are the worst. it makes me so upset.

God has been nothing but good for longer than you will ever understand.
He is the beginning and the end.

without him, i wouldn't be anyone.
i'm thankful that i have someone in my life to teach me.

what is the difference

2009-06-24T20:48:00.000-07:00

between alive and awake.
i was awake today, but i can hardly recall any conversations i had.
i can remember where i went and who i went with,
but i don't know what happened.

i was alive today.
i felt a bit more useful.
i felt a bit more triumphant.

perhaps this is God's way of telling me that good things can happen.

i dont know why, but i always have the mind set that if something good happens, something bad will happen in exchange.
i got the grades i wanted.
but i can assume that i wont get the SAT scores i want.
win-lose.
i can't win all the battles i fight.
but i will try my hardest.

why?

2009-06-21T22:16:00.001-07:00

you haven't written in your blog for awhile now.

i tried to schedule a license test today...but westminister is full.
costa mesa has one on july 20th.
but thats about it.
sucks.

i have a lot of cosplay to work on.

monday: 8-12 work

tuesday: 8-12 work
transformers?

wednesday: 8-12 work
1:30-whenever hang out!

thursday: 8-12 work
12-2 poster party

friday: 8-12 work
picnic with tianshi

timeless

2009-06-18T16:12:00.000-07:00

there's no tomorrow for some of us
so cherish the days we have
they will last forever
in this simple life style
suburban living, deep friction between the pavement and the road
take the road on the left, it suits your personality
they need to last forever
because life is too short to be spent
wondering what could have been
or what it was supposed to be
so listen to your heart and never let anyone tell you otherwise

it's all over babe.

2009-06-13T22:47:00.000-07:00

i can't believe that this year is finally over.
it went by way too fast.
and i really mean that.

i guess it's because i was so busy.
time flies when you're busy.

overall...i enjoyed junior year.
well. it had its ups and downs.
there was a lot of crappy moments...but a lot of amazing ones...

i'm exhausted right now.
but. it's okay! life is good. God is good. i am good.

this is my last summer.
or it feels like it.
it doesn't even feel like summer.
it feels like i'm going back to school soon.
i guess i just don't want to realize that you'll be gone soon.
i'm going to miss you, tim.

i can't wait to do amazing things...
cosplay.asb.tim(oh ho!).paartyy.

i'm ready to sleep now.
forever and forever.

i gained 4 pounds tonight at shabu shabu.

matt is officially apart of our cosplay group!

i love life.
and i love tim.
and yeah. (:

literbug

2009-06-10T21:28:00.000-07:00

yesterday, i went to chipotle with tim.
they were taking out the trash when i was about to throw my straw wrapper away.
i didn't want to litter.
so i kept it.
it's in my binder.

i still can't believe that you fell for me.
i can't wait for the summer when we can spend all of our time together.
you are amazing, tim xue.
thanks for being there for me.
thanks for the sacrifices.
thanks for the loves.

i love you. (:

yay.

2009-06-07T10:05:00.000-07:00

What I want to know is: How do I learn how to trust him again?

Thanks everyone who came to my party! I had a lot of fun...even though the night ended awkwardly.
Thanks for the lovely presents. I love them :D !
I love how only Anthony bought me candy. LOL. Now I can't get fat. (But I'm super excited to eat the candy. ): I've been eying it all morning....)

Lazy Saturday

2009-05-23T21:07:00.001-07:00

I felt like writing something meaningful. I typically type whatever random blurbs fill my mind, but this time I felt inspired to actually write, and not just write.
I guess sometimes people write when they have a story to tell.
Or maybe they do it to just "express" themselves.
Perhaps it's when they want to convince others of their opinions, without sounding too dogmatic.
But in the end, I guess it all follows under the main types of rhetoric.
Who knows. I guess Ms. La Framboise would...but this isn't her blog. It's mine.
I don't have any stories to tell. If I were to tell you what my day was like, it would bore both the reader and the writer.
I don't write to express myself, really, I do that with cooking.
My opinions don't really matter, and I wouldn't waste my time trying to convince others to think the way I think, because I honestly don't believe my way of thinking is very conventional.
Dreams are dreams because they are only dreams. They don't come true. But, dreams during sleep are usually not that great. Not only do I never remember them, I usually dislike them for giving me a taste of paradise that I can never really acquire whilst awake. So what's the point of dreaming if it just brings more pain that necessary?
When I dream, I dream of things that would never happen. For example, lately I've been having dreams that I have a new boyfriend. It typically is a guy that I hang out with everyday. It's a bit awkward to post this on my blog, because I know everyone will read it and think "What is she thinking?" "Poor Tim!" "I guess this means Katie and Tim are having relationship problems!" But, it's quite the opposite. Tim and I are doing just fine. Whenever I wake up from these unusual dreams, I realize how lucky I am to have such an amazing boyfriend. Likewise, when we were first dating, I used to have dreams where I would be in an amazing, romantic place...but I had nobody to share it with. I would consider sharing it with this person, or that person, but in the end I would think "None seem right..." I would then awake and realize that I have found the perfect guy, and there is no need to search any longer.

I must go. Tim just beat my bejeweled score.

2009-05-23T11:10:00.000-07:00

anooop. my mama is buying me tickets to see the american idol tour. i would only go for anoop anyways. he is my booooy. <333 (:
can't let the music stop!
can't let this feeling end!
cause if i do it will all be over,
and i'll never see you again.

anoop will fall in love with me. i'm pretty sure it's illegal but whatever. NEVER STOPPED ME BEFORE LAWL. (: JK. hahahaha.

just incase that doesn't work out, i can always go for the archie. (:

so i got 85 today. yummy. i had green onion bread for 90 cents. hooo snap. soo gooooood.

singer in a smokey room, smell of wine and cheap perfume.

loquat

2009-05-19T17:07:00.000-07:00

http://www.flagrantedelicia.com/en/cakes-muffins-and-madeleines/the-loquats-destiny/

tim. bring me 6 loquat's and i'll make a cake.

senior of the year

2009-05-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

boooyfriiiend. (:

i need to get better.
you can see my illness in my face.

shiloh fernandez

2009-05-17T19:41:00.000-07:00

sorry timsie. i have a crush on this guy. (:

ahhh i wish a teen in the 80s.

and i'm sorta excited for no doubt to come back.

Stand And Deliver - No Doubt

2009-05-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

i wish i wasn't so selfless.
and i wish i wasn't so selfish.

it's my birthday.
and i expect a lot.
but at the same time, i don't want anything at all.
i don't want people to buy me presents.
i want them to just want to make me happy.
and i'm easily pleased.

simple things make me happy,
but now that i think about it,
when people go out of their way to make me happy i feel guilty.
but when people don't try, i feel unloved.

why can't i find a balance between the two?

i always ask for no presents, because i want my family to make improvements within the house.
why spend money on clothes i don't really NEED.
spend it on something more meaningful that will benefit the whole family.
but when i ask for something, you make me feel guilty.
i just wanted to be selfless. but now i seem too selfish.

but i am free

2009-05-11T18:12:00.000-07:00

i have one tree in my backyard. it's huge.
it has a couple white flowers on it.
i've never been so thankful for the little things.

i want to learn new things.
and i want to bake more.
seriously, what kind of chef am i?
i never bake, i just do whatever i want.
i love flowers, they make me feel good.
you're not what i expected, but you're the only one who can handle me
if i wanted silence, i would whisper
and if i wanted loneliness, i'd choose to go
if i wanted rejection, i'd audition
and if i didn't love you, you would know
so why can't you just hold me?
why is this so hard.
do you like to see me broken?
why do i still care.

poor little misunderstood baby, no one likes a sad face.
but i can't remember life without him...
i think i did have good days.

i still hear the rain
these images that fill my head
keep my fingers from making mistakes
don't make this easy
i want you to mean it

these flames are getting out of control
forget about me, it's what you deserve
you were my chance to get out of this town

Fragile - Maria Mena

its may!

2009-05-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

hip hip hooray!
i need to study for APUSH.
tim and i are going to study today.
it will be fun!

i made pancakes for breakfast. honey pancakes. i love honey.
i then cleaned the kitchen. it was fun, i love cleaning.
i like to clean and cook.
and i like to take care of people.
and i like doggies!

timmy and i have been working for like an hour to get my ds to work.
RHYTHM HEAVEN!!
I WILL GET YOU!!!

i try

2009-04-22T22:18:00.002-07:00

to not let things get me down.
i try to be happy.
but it's unbelievably hard for me to maintain my happiness.
one little thing can just make me crash.
i can be fine...then when something goes wrong everything else does.
i make crazy decisions that don't make any sense.
and i doubt everything.

i just feel so sad all the time.
i don't want to think about sad things, so i suppress them until its necessary to bring them up.
i cry every single day.
when someone tells me, "you'll do great in college!" "you'll make it really far!" "i believe in you!"
and they aren't just saying it because they see me upset and want to encourage me...it's when they say it just because...because they have no idea what my life is like...but they still say it.
you know? like when you're upset and people try to comfort you...it doesn't mean as much as when someone says it because they actually feel that way.
when people are upset, i say whatever i can to make them feel better...even if i don't feel that way 100%. i really do doubt my own intelligence...and the past few days have revealed my full potential.
but i still feel like giving up.
i still feel like dying.
over and over again.
i feel like it's too hard.

people ask me what's wrong...and i just respond with, "i'm sad."
there's not a specific reason to why i am sad...it's just because...i'm sad.
i feel sad. i'm not mad. or upset. or frustrated...i'm just sad.
i'm sad all the time. i've struggled with this problem for so long...
i can't help others until i help myself.
but nothing goes my way...i'm just too sad.

i want to smile. i want to be happy.
i want to give up. i want to stop trying.
i want to sleep forever.
i want to fast forward through the next 10 years of my life.
i don't want to live it because i will always be sad.
every night i go to sleep and pray to God that i will wake up happy.
and His word's calm me down...and reassure me that life will be okay.
but i wake up and i'm still sad.

i try

2009-04-22T22:18:00.001-07:00

neglecting.

2009-04-16T22:23:00.000-07:00

i've really been neglecting this blog.

elections are over.
i am so thankful for the people who wore my shirt everyday and helped me put up my fliers.
that support took me to the top.
i finally have a chance to make a difference in our school...
i love this school so much...and i've made it to the top...
i don't really believe it to be honest...
freshman year...i remember thinking about senate...but i thought "maybe next year..."
then sophomore year..."maybe next year..." but i never thought i would actually do it...it was too much of a risk.
at the end of sophomore year, i decided to try out.
and i made it.
junior year...i was satisfied with spirit...
but then i changed my mind.
and i tried out...and i made it... (:
i can't even believe it...i never thought i would be here...i never thought that i would be in executive council.
the same people that i admired...even though i didn't know their names...or what they really did...or who they even were...i'm in the same boat...i'm up there with them.
can you even imagine? for people like dorothy and josie...they have been waiting for this since freshman year. they expected this...they deserve it. but me? i just took another risk. and it was totally worth it.
all the changes i want made...i can do them...i can do so much...it's finally ME interviewing people...it's finally ME making the big decisions...it's finally ME being the leader.
i'm so happy.

i pray to God that i don't mess this up.
that i stay optimistic.
that i do what is good for the school, and not nescessarily myself.
that i listen to other's opinions.
because i can PLAN, EXECUTE, and DELIVER.

Spring Break Calendar

2009-03-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

Fri 4/3:
Sat 4/4:
Sun 4/5: Goldfish at 7 p.m.
Mon 4/6: Knott's w/ Krn club
Tues 4/7: DMV at 12:00
Wed 4/8:
Thurs 4/9:
Fri 4/10: Spa with Nicole and Mom
Sat 4/11: AX Meeting
Sun 4/12:

pride day!

2009-03-28T21:02:00.001-07:00

I planted those tiny bushes with Jeff Khvu, Dorothy, and Jeffy Li. TEAM 4 FTW!

It felt really good to help out the school. I planted like 4o flowers/bushes/roses, took out all the weeds by the bowl, put mulch? on the dirt, shoveled the left over pile of mulch for like an hour in the sun (i got burnt...), and worked my booty off!
A lot of people just showed up and sat around. It made me upset, but I was just so proud that the school looked so nice! There are flowers and plants everywhere, it looks a lot better than last year. They removed the gum from the floors and repainted all the trash cans. But, they sanded off random splotches on our publicity closet...I don't understand...because it's like...what the heck?! Well, anyways, I really had a good time. I liked working hard! I am super sore now...I will only get worse. ): But I felt like I lost a lot of weight from the work out. Haha!
I gained it all back from Chipotle afterward...yum.

oh baby baaaby

2009-03-26T22:21:00.000-07:00

IT'S GO TIMEEE.

I always feel sad.
I like to pretend to be a joking, fun person...but in reality I'm always depressed.
Sad life for Katie Edwards.
Whateeeverr.
I guess we have our ups and downs.
I think too much. Yuuup.
American Idol is pretty addicting. ANOOOP!

Anyways, school has been a bummer.
I just want to fast forward.
I'll focus on the future...

I'm ready.

i was right

2009-03-24T21:08:00.001-07:00

in the end.

cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth i can be,
thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
and you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

i can't wait for the future.
i hope everything turns okay...

i'm not moving. i'll be here.
i've struggled so much with this.
i should be finished, but i'm not yet.
because i'm still waiting.
i'm going to wait until the future comes.
because maybe it will be better than it is now.

each one a line or two...

2009-03-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

i'm fine baby; how are you?

i love michael buble.
and celine dion.
they are the angels of music.

I always regret stupid stuff.
I still regret what happened.
I guess I understand why it happened, and I've moved on...but I still wish it never did happen.

I don't know how to feel anymore. I want to pause! life and then fast forward.

I want to learn how to play the ukulele again!
Jeffy--teach me!

"You know what...you're cute!"
"Stoooop iitt! Haha, you are a cutie, too."
"I like you."
"I like you, too."

sunbeam

2009-03-18T21:36:00.000-07:00

here's to all the pretty words we will never speak
here's to all the pretty girls, you're going to meet

is there trouble on the line?
did my heart break enough this time?

it feels good to be free.

please come back home.
i miss you, you know.
surrounded by a million people, i still feel all alone.
i've been keeping all the letters that i wrote to you
each one, a line or two
i would send them, but i know that it's just not enough...
my words are cold and flat...you deserve more than that
i wanna go home, i've got to go home
let me go home, i'm just too far, from where you are
i want to come home

raison

2009-03-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

the reason why i am trying out for executive...
honestly, i see the mistakes ASB has made.
i want to win. so i dont make the same mistakes.
but we are bound to make new mistakes.
we are going to screw up.
we will pick the wrong people.
mistakes are inevitable.
so why am i trying out?
because i want to fix things?
because i thought ASB was different.

when i tried out for ASB last year, i was taking a huge risk.
the reason why i never tried out for senate was because i saw everyone get rejected.
i decided to hold onto my pride and never try out.
even though, i really wanted it.
i really wanted to make ASB.
i thought it looked amazing.
everyone respected you.
everyone looked up to you.
you got to go to dances, assemblies, dress up, and do all these things...and not look dumb.
but when i made ASB, i realized...people weren't as excited as i was to dress up and cheer at football games.
they didn't want to go to poster parties and they didn't want to try hard.
and even if they did...they lost it...
i lost it.
i didn't have any inside "connections" like everyone else who made it.
i wasn't on senate.
i didn't know anyone except for amish.
i was just doing it...because i really wanted to.
i tried really hard. and i made it.
the reason why i didn't want to try out for executive is because i didn't want to lose.
i wanted to play it safe and do spirit again.
it's what i knew how to do.

what is there to lose?

i can see your halo

2009-03-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

sometimes people put walls up in their lives not to keep people out...
but to see who's strong enough to break them down

i'm tired

2009-03-13T16:40:00.000-07:00

i want to go to sleep tonight and never wake up.

yummy in my tummy

2009-03-07T22:57:00.000-08:00

tim and i went out to dinner.
i finally finished SAT class.
i scored 1890 on an ELITE SAT.
so i think i will do just fine on the real SAT.
i'm not hoping to get over 2000.
well, i would like it.
but i don't think i will.
i suck hardcore at math. and vocab, apparently.
i ace every vocab test i took at elite, but my vocab still sucks.
the only thing that brings up my score it writing.
i miss only a couple on mult. choice and i get 10ish on my essays.
yaay for that.

there is this really ditzy girl in my SAT class...she scored 2270 today.
i was like...what the heck..
she asked a boy if he spoke african.
o.m.g.
even i am not THAT dumb.
but still, she is really good at SAT.

there were so many interesting people in my SAT class.
like this one sorta fobby kid who only came to class for critical reading.
he gets 800 on math and very high scores on writing (i think his essays bring him down, cause he gets like 6-8 range), but sucks at critical reading.
he never did ANY homework and would just sit there during other classes.
he was super funny.

i think that one girl was in my winter boot camp class, because she looks familiar, but i can't really remember. the only people i remember from that were paul, gerard, hanne, josephine, annie, christian, and enoch. actually, that's a lot.
i liked boot camp way better. they were more my type.
everyone in my regular class is super smart.
in boot camp, they envied me for my skills in writing.
in my current class, i am average.

its okay. its over.
hopefully i don't fail this SAT so i can stop taking classes.

i don't know if i should put my SAT class in the past or present tense.
so i switched around. hahaha!

i ate with tim today.
it was yummy.
we ordered:
takoyaki
negiyaki
tempura udon
vegetable tempura
teriyaki salmon
&tea!
i was super full.

2009-03-04T21:54:00.000-08:00

i hate haters, cowards, and hypocrites.
i am all three.

i hate how people just hate each other for no purpose other than hate.
nothing comes from hate BUT hate, and who wants that?
i am so disappointed in our world, our community, and our school.
sometimes people forget just how bad it feels to get picked on.
how much it hurts to be made fun of.
how terribly it stings to be talked poorly about.
i wish people would realize that life isn't worth living if you are living with hate.
i wish i would realize that as much as i want to be better, it's going to take a lot more work.

those who hide behind their words and only say what they can get away with.
those who pretend to be strong, because they are too afraid to be weak.
those who are terrified to be who they want to be,
because the truth hurts.
sometimes people don't put walls up to keep people out; they do it to see who's strong enough to break them down.
who wants to break them down.
who tries to break them down.
who can break them down.
we all want someone to be that someone who will care.
but we remain in fear that when we are who we want to be, people will hate us for it.
but really, we should just be who we are.
as simple and as dumb as that sounds; that's all it takes to find that someone.

let it melt on your tongue like sugar;
dissolving and creating a sweet sensation only you can describe and feel.
nobody deserves to be hated.

we could just

2009-03-02T18:29:00.000-08:00

hold each other tight
we don't need to say goodbye
come away with me
-----------

i like girl scout cookies.

ahhhh tim xue!

i am frustrated.

2009-02-22T20:25:00.000-08:00

deleted

what would you do

2009-02-17T17:01:00.000-08:00

if you were the one that was spending the night?

i failed two tests today.
and i dont even care. (:

no more mistakes

2009-02-16T17:57:00.000-08:00

<---this is my friend stevie. he's sorta cool. and he likes to eat.
hiiiiiii steviiiiiiiiiiiiiie. oh yeaaah, he wears YOGURTLAND T-SHIRTS.
but i'll PWN him with my red mango shirt.
shout out. to stevie chew. fasho. (:
annnywaaaysss

midwinter was so refreshing.
sure, the first night totally sucked.
getting woken up by "hey, we need to get off the bus, it's stuck."
walking in the snow for a mile wearing only a thin sweater and jacket with no hood, (plus justin's blanket <3) style="font-weight: bold;">"The voice of God can be heard through the praises of His people."

i took one front and back small page of notes.
yet i feel like it overpowers my whole notebook of notes from previous retreats/camps.

what's holding me back?
i figured it out. it was such a distraction, a fear.
now that i know what it is, i can let go.
i can let go of the pain and fear that it brought me and finally follow Jesus.

a lot that people dislike religion because it has so many restrictions and rules,
but the truth is...once you find Jesus...you gain freedom.
my chains are gone, i've been set free.
i've never felt so alive, i feel like for the first time in my life i'm not living for ME anymore.
i'm living for God...and that's what's keeping me alive.

i'm so thankful for the community i have in PCJC.
sure, it's hard to see some people...cause they hurt me...
but...i'm happy. i love them. even if they caused me pain, i forgave them and i forgave myself.

as lizzie would tell me, i'm in "rehab"
and i'm cutting my "addiction"! haha...it will take a lot of time to heal from this.
i'm going to be just fine, don't worry. (:

no more mistakes, katie.
you are so young, why waste your time with trivial matters?
--------
you said move on,
where do i go?
i guess second best is all i will know

how do i get better once i've had the best
you said there's tons of fish in the water,
so the waters i will test

you're the best,
& yes i do regret how i could let myself let you go
now the lesson's learned

cause when i'm with him i am thinking of you
what you would do if you were the one who was spending the night
i wish that i was looking into your eyes

oh won't you walk through
& bust in the door
& take me away
no more mistakes,
cause in your eyes i'd like to stay...

molecules on the move

2009-02-10T21:07:00.000-08:00

i was so fired up today.
during english, i could NOT stop moving around.
i was jumping and swaying during my presentation, and when i was sitting in my chair i was tapping my feet.

are you calling me, darling?

2009-02-09T10:53:00.000-08:00

holy crap anthony hua texts back at super speed.

i finished my ap lit terms project.
it's cute.
i need to bake cupcakes.

i am purchasing THESE----->
i needed new cupcake liners...and these are just...adorable.
okay, so i've been perfecting my cinnamon apple muffin recipe...
i don't have any pictures...cause i have no camera...but i do have a webcam vid. (:

APPLE CINNAMON MUFFINS!!!!
1 1/2 cups flour
1/3 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 1/2 t. baking powder
2 t. cinnamon
1/2 cup milk
1/3 cup apple sauce
1/3 cup butter, melted
1 egg, slightly beaten
1 cup chopped apples

Heat oven to 375°F.
Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, brown sugar and cinnamon in medium-size bowl. Add milk while mixing, then add in butter slowly, and make sure you cool it down before adding in the egg. Mix in apple sauce. Stir just until flour is mixed in, and add chopped apples until they are completely covered in batter. Spray muffin tin's with a light layer of non-stick cooking spray, or grease lightly with butter (not too much or else it will burn).
Bake 18-20 minutes, remove from tray after 3 min. and enjoy hot. (:

i pretty much bake these for my grandma...it's pretty healthy if you cut out a lot of the butter and only use brown sugar...she loves them...haha

HOLY CRAP

2009-02-06T17:22:00.001-08:00

i hate the rain. its so sad and wet.
i hate wind too. it makes me sad!

Did you know you have a special way of turning around my terrible days?
You make all the bad things go away
It's the way that you talk, that you laugh, that you smile.
If beauty was inches you'd go on for miles.
It's the way that you make everything seem worth while
It's the way every love song reminds me of you.
Along with the stars and the sunset here too.
It's the way that you make the sky seem more blue
So if love is a drug then i guess i'm addicted.
All i want is to have yours.
It's making my heart sick.
Goodbye is what broke it and you were what fixed it
the second that you said hello.

i was terrified that i got stuck in a bad book club group.
thank you jeffy for saving me. D:

school was horrible! it was so wet and nasty.
i'm excited for tonight, though.
i wanna bake something >.>

lonely girl.

2009-02-04T22:26:00.000-08:00

i've been feeling so down in the dumps lately.
i have 0 motivation to continue school.
i just want everything to stop.
i also can't help but feel unbelievably anti-social and lonely.
i dug myself in a hole, all i do is talk to tim and hang out with tim.
i really wish i had a bunch of really good friends.
i guess thats just how things are for me.
i dont feel like doing anything anymore.
i just want to give up and go to sleep!
i feel like i don't have anyone to talk to about my problems.
i talk to God, but...sometimes he doesn't make things as clear as i want them to be...
i am too selfish, i know. God is good, just...i'm doing something wrong.

i'm being such a drama queen lately...
but nothing helps anymore...i can't find anything in my books...to save myself from this.

sometimes

2009-02-03T22:30:00.001-08:00

i like to look at the grades of the people in my class that the teacher posted, and try to pick out who got the A's and the C's. I can already tell who got the B's.
sometimes i'm right. most of the time i'm right.
i hate it when i find out someone who didn't even really try that hard gets an A.
i hate it how people rely on their own intelligence and luck to get a good grade.
i know, i really DON'T try that hard, so i shouldn't be talking. but that doesn't mean i am okay with getting a B.
there was this one person in my chem class that got an A.
i was like "seriously? you? i tried way harder...i thought i did WAY better...how did i get the B? you don't deserve that..."
when people don't get the grade they want, or grade they feel they deserve, they make a big deal out of it.
i dont really care that i got B's in most of my classes.
i deserved them. i didnt work that hard to deserve an A. but i worked hard.
i just dont like it when people go "oh, i failed that test, but its okay. i dont care, i'll still get an A"
or if they go "well, i'm really good at balancing equations, so it was easy for me."
it sounds cocky. like good for you. im happy you are good at something.

ms la once said "do you want a doctor that tried hard or one that earned his grade?"
of course, you want one that earned his grade.
but i think that question is really stupid.
i'll still respect the doctor that tried hard. i'll consider him/her to be a good person. but, the doctor that earned the grade, even if they earned it, did they deserve it?
maybe they are good at medicine, but they dont really care about it.

there was an episode of scrubs that exemplifies my reasoning.
there was an intern who was REALLY smart and on top of things.
but he was lazy and didnt work hard.
dr. cox hated him because he was lazy, but the intern knew that he was doing much better than the other interns, so why should he care?

it isnt just about being talented or good at something. you need to work hard for it, or else its meaningless. dedicated time proves that you actually care.
i dont know. i dont think i deserved an A
but i dont think you deserved one either.
and i think you know it. :\

but on the other hand, maybe that guy in my chem class really needs the A more than i do.
maybe he wants to go to a good college. and maybe that A means more to him than it would to me. im happy he got it. i hope he realizes how lucky he is.

i guess i dont realize how lucky i am either.
i didnt study ONCE for math.
i bs'd every single hw.
i didnt try hard at all.
i spent 10 min at home and time during french writing in random answers.

still. i got a really high A in the class...and 100% on the final...
a lot of people dropped the class because they thought it was too hard.
i guess i never realized...some of them might have stressed more than me...
they might have gotten extra help...they probably actually did their hw...
they probably deserved a better grade.
but i got the A...because i was better at it.

life really isnt fair sometimes.
there was once a post secret that talked about how nobody gives a crap about your highschool GPA.
that secret is my motivation. (:

because i dislike notes:

2009-02-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. When asked what my favorite fruit was, I would always say strawberries. I really hate strawberries. My favorite is passion fruit aka lilikoi.
2. When I get bored I cut up my old clothes and try to fashion new ones. I end up using the same design over and over again. But the world will never know.
3. On that subject, when I was 11 I got a sewing kit and box for my birthday. It actually was very useful.
4. Cuisine is my passion. It's probably the lamest thing because you know, "everyone can bake!" but I LOVE doing it and I'm good at it. I want to decorate cakes. And I'm not just saying that because of Ace of Cakes, I wanted to do that way before the show came out. I was totally bummed it did because...now more people will consider it as a profession...slimming my chances.
5. I'm a closet otaku.
6. I listen to The Fray when I'm depressed.
7. I have like 5 depression books that don't really help.
8. For Christmas, Tim bought me a "Sex Position of the Day" calendar. I want to return it, but I don't want the people in the store judging me. Sorry Tim, but what the heck am I supposed to do with it?!?!
9. The main reason I wanted a dog was so that I could hug her. Samoyeds don't like being touched. Every week I hug Mari for 5 min. and she tries to squirm away. I don't let her. D:<
10. My most depressing memory as a child was when I was in 2nd grade. I was sitting on one of the benches at Plavan. I closed my eyes and just day dreamed. Sadly, it was the best recess I've ever had. I had no friends in 2nd grade.
11. If you ever use the noun "Jap" around me I swear to God I'll go crazy and attack you. And probably cry.
12. I want a lot of babies. Like 5. I just want a big, happy family to come home to at Christmas time, because I've never had one.
13. My whole family thinks I'm really smart. They have no idea that I suck at school. I'm barely getting by. I wonder how they will react when they realize I'm not going to get into the good universities.
14. Postsecret is my therapy. But the people on the forums are so disgusting. Some people dedicate blogs to post their own post secrets. I saw a blog about a girl. She posted secrets about how she was raped, anorexic, atheist, drug-adict, and depressed. On the forums, she flammed another member who said that you shouldn't blame God for the wrong in your life, and think that its you who did everything right. I was so furious. She posted a secret about how she wishes she believed in hell so that all the cruel people had somewhere else to go. I was so close to leaving her a comment about how she'll be in there with them. She was a freaking drama queen. I know, it sounds wrong, but it takes a self-centered person to create a blog for the purpose of her own secrets. I had a hard time believing any of her crap. Anyways. Rant. Gosh. I wanted to smack her. But I prayed for her instead.
15. I love my short hair.
16. I want to move to Hawaii.
17. Geometry is the hardest class ever. EVER.
18. These are getting shorter because I can't think of anything else to write. I love post-its.
19. I had a best friend that ended up leaving me. I enjoy checking out her facebook/myspace from time to time to see who has more friends. I always win.
20. My favorite ice cream is honey. Tim didn't know that.
21.
22. I am childish. I act like a baby. I get distracted too easily. And I whine a lot. But when I need to be, I'm serious.
23. If I could change one thing about me, I would get rid of my cellulite. 2nd would be to get rid of my widows peak. It makes bangs incredibley difficult.
24. I can't watch Lost at night or else I won't be able to fall asleep.
25. I can't wait to get married.

BAAAHHAIRCUT

2009-02-01T10:47:00.001-08:00

I CHOPPED MY HAIR OFF YESTERDAY.
I like how clean and free I feel.
But my bangs sorta suck..IDK..I think I'm going to trim them up a bit.
I'm so tired. And I feel like baking, but I have HW to finish.
I can't bake when I have something more important to do. -___-
The blueberry muffins from Souplantation are 120 calories. HAHAHA. EACH!

Wild Maine Blueberry Muffins

Makes about 2 dozen muffins

1/2 pound frozen blueberries, thawed and drained

DRY MIX
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup whole-wheat flour
5 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt

WET MIX
1 2/3 cups buttermilk
1 cup white sugar
2/3 cup canola oil
1/4 cup cracked eggs
1 teaspoon blueberry extract

Combine the dry-mix ingredients in a bowl and whisk to combine. Combine the wet mix ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Beat wet mix to dissolve the sugar. Add the dry mix to the wet mix and combine thoroughly. Gently fold in blueberries.

Spray muffin pans with nonstick cooking spray or line with paper liners. Scoop batter into muffin pans with a 2-ounce scoop. Bake in a preheated 325-degree oven for about 15 minutes, or until golden brown.

^^ I will make these next week. It's Souplantation's blueberry muffin recipe.
Thanks Google.

i hate this week so far

2009-01-28T20:52:00.001-08:00

it sucks sucks sucks
yesterday was by far the worst day of the new year.
every single class sucked. except for math.
in french, madame jones yelled at me. ME! WTFBBQ.
then in APUSH mr uribe told me he was "very disappointed that i wasn't taking notes. because he gives me the packets for a reason."
in chem. we got a student teacher. i miss mr olsbergs humor.
and in english i had like 10000 opportunities for participation points..but i didnt take them.

ugh. AND IT SUCKED.
okay.
today wasnt so bad.
but still. i'm over school.

i made fudge.
hopefully i cooked it long enough so it hardens.
last time it didnt.
uuugghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i want to just sleep.
and not. wake up. ever.
im so effing bored.

cinnamon buns.

2009-01-25T11:53:00.000-08:00

i baked them. they were pretty good. hahaha! and they were a lot of fun to make.
well. last night i went to taiko! i had unagi with maguro sashimi. SOO YUMMY. OH MY GOSH SOO GOOD. taiko is so inexpensive...and the servings are huge! and the sashimi melts in your mouth...yum! life is good. weeelll. today i'm going to go shopping...for a bit. urban. i wish ruth was here so we can go together. T^T i miss ruth already.
i want a new post secret book.
last night, i looked through my book again: a lifetime of secrets. its always amazing how i can read it like...100 times...and never see some secrets. last night i saw one that really summed up how i was feeling. i couldn't stop crying. i thought about it all the time. i love postsecret. it really is therapy.

i just realized.
the only final i didn't cheat on, i got 100%.

omg life is hilarious.

FINALS ARE OVER!

2009-01-23T19:55:00.001-08:00

yaaay!
i got...

HOLY CRAP EARTHQUAKE.

anyways.
i got 100% on math. yaay. i was very happy. (:

well. this weekend should be relaxing. i'm not really going to do anything.
besides mother's birthday.
i'm super bored. hahaha.

i've been entertaining myself with online shopping.

do you know about the bird?

2009-01-19T19:58:00.000-08:00

sure, everybody knows that the bird is the word!

Today was an amazing day. (: Dim sum in the morning with TBC and PKC! Then Puri Kura for like 3 hours...went to Guppy's for some food. I saw BRYCE KUBO!!! (: (: (: HAHAHA. And also, Alex Kim and Ruth's mom at Guppy's. Guppies? Whatever. Then we went to Ava's house for TABOO!!! It was super fun.
It was my first time going to Sticki Picki..it was pretty cute. A lot of the machines are fun. But it will take awhile to get use to them.
<---this one had a higher angle. pretty cool. (:
I baked some more muffins.
BTW I AM TOTALLY STUFFED.
I finished a lot of work..I need to do the French though. Weeeeelll. FINALS WEEK.
GG EERRRONE.

call me this week. and we'll catch up.
im nervous.

100 manificent muffins & scones

2009-01-18T22:06:00.000-08:00

i baked some apple cinnamon muffins today.
thanks for the book ruthie. (:

i should shower. and sleep.

im really tired.
ive been online shopping all day.

i want to go spend monies that i dont have.

and i want to move to LA and just--

HOLD UP. I JUST SAW A SIGN ON THE TV ABOUT GAY RIGHTS:
"Jesus has two daddies, why can't I?"

WHAT THE HELL. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. THAT'S NOT THE SAME THING, BUT PROPS FOR ORIGINALITY. HAHAAHHA OMG THAT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD.

ANYWAYS.
i just want to live in LA and be rich. i need to marry a rich guy.
although ms la frowns upon that.
whatever.
life shall be good for katie edwards one day.

i bought a new jacket. its really cute.

my dream last night

2009-01-17T23:29:00.001-08:00

i was going to anime expo, but LA was caught on fire!
it was really crazy, we got off of the freeway and the whole city was burning to the ground.
it was my cosplay group. we ended up staying at this one hotel.
we just watched the news about how it was burning, but because it was so bad we couldn't go on the freeway to get home.
i remember texting a person, asking if they were okay.
its strange how i think about you in my dreams...i still sorta worry if you are okay or not.
anyways, we ended up renting a car and i drove home.
it was weird, nicole was going to drive, but she sucked so much that i had to.
hahahahahahahahaha, despite the fact that we had alan, mark, and josh with us.

i really want to go do something.
i am outrageously bored here.
oh deaar. okay. well. goodnight. and. yeah.
tmrw:
finish math
finish french
make flashcards for pres test
study 1 DBQ

someone do english so i can copy. D:

I WAS SO MAD THAT ALL THE WORK I DO IS WORTH 5 POINTS.
GAH MS LA YOU SUCK SOMETIMES.

chocolate mochi crunch

2009-01-17T15:04:00.000-08:00

i went to the optomitrist today. i need glasses!
well, sorta, not really.
i have 20/20 vision, but i have a little bit of estigmatism in my left eye...he said in order for me to "focus" clearly i should get glasses for when i study.
he actually said that its probably because i spend majority of my time reading things and studying. hahahahahahahahaha. hes a funny guy, Dr. Vu.
i got these SUPER cute ones. they are like cat eyes. its so cute. i was going to get ray bans..but i changed my mind to get this cutie ones. i get them next saturday.
the only reason why i said i would get them is because i thought it would be cool to have glasses. i don't really need them...but i think it will be cool to wear them. plus, they will help me focus.

today i am going to study for APUSH, chem, and finish french.
would anyone like to tell me what la fram's english hw was? cause i did not write it down.

i have an idea. how about everybody in uribe posts a response to one DBQ. then i dont have to work on all 6. >.>

i really want salsa, but i'm not strong enough to open the jar, so i can't have it.
HOW SAD.

im excited for monday.
dim sum, puri kura, board games, and fun. (:

okay. back to studying. (:

2009-01-14T22:02:00.000-08:00

you know what.
i've learned in high school that being yourself doesn't work.
every time i try to be myself, everyone just hates me for it.
i know i act like it's all for fun, but when people make fun of me for liking the jonas brothers, hsm, koalas, or other stupid things, it really hurts.
im so tired of people making fun of me.
it sounds so childish...but i've basically gone my whole life like this.
i dont hate you for what you like.
why do you have to hate me for what i like?

how am i supposed to be myself when all i do is get ridiculed for it?
people always make fun of me. i hate it.

seriously. i was anorexic. and i was depressed. because of my insecurities. why do people still torment me?
its your faults that i tried to kill myself.
why cant everyone just leave me alone?
just let me live without making fun of me.

how sad is it that we live in such a world, that even when high school students are supposed to be "mature" they still treat others like shit.

i hope everyone has fun picking on me and treating me like shit.
im so tired of being made fun of.
i hate going to school because of people like you guys.

the worse part is, im just being myself. i cant even express myself without being afraid of people hating me for it.

happiness

2009-01-11T20:41:00.000-08:00

if happiness had a physical form,
it would resemble a glass.
even though it's transparent, its still there.
sometimes you need to look at it from a different angle to see it sparkle, but it's still there.
it only needs a little bit of light to shine its beautiful rays on everyone around it.

head hurts.

2009-01-10T19:48:00.000-08:00

my head hurts! i took a huge nap! and im thirsty!
but im doing okay.
i just am sooo tired.
timsie makes things better though.

i love "meet the robinsons"
its such a cutie movie!!!!
THE SONG AT THE END IS SO CUTE TOO.
it makes me smile.

i just want to skip college years and high school...and just get married and get a job.

Although,

2009-01-08T22:08:00.000-08:00

I sorta poured my heart out, I don't regret it or anything, but, I'm not happy or sad. I'm just in the middle. It's okay.

aye yo.

2008-12-31T19:54:00.001-08:00

i feel like i should update. but i dont really have anything to say. i baked cupcakes.
im about to go out to dinner.
some fanshayschmanshay place at spectrum.
then my mama and papa are going out.
mama partying with her friends.
LOL.
dad at church.
opposites.

and i stay home avec nicole.

kanyeee weeest.

i watched a twilight zone marathon.
and ELF. such a cute movie.
i like mari.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T10:45:00.000-08:00

This is my last blog update until Sunday...or maybe Saturday night.
I am almost finished with my packets! I still have to remember 100 vocab words by tomorrow...more like 30 cause I have most of them down...and 200 more words by Saturday. I haven't even begun to look at the list. (:
I hate hate hate math. It's so lamesauce. NUMBER THEORYS WTF.
It's okay. I just need to finish 2 more packets...then vocab. And I'm done for the day.
Then tomorrow I start all over again. -___-;

Its almost 11:00 and my sister still hasn't woken up yet. I can't afford to waste time and sleep in. I need to be studying. D:
I decided I'm not going to read Catcher in the Rye. I started it, left a post, and now I'm done. I don't have time!!! I'm just going to Sparknote it.
BUT OMG WE HAVE A TEST ON IT MONDAY. WTF WTF WTF.
I really don't feel like I'm on break. I guess cause all I'm doing is class...I have 4 more days after this of no class..my last day of break I'm going to ALA all day long...and when I'm not in class, I'm studying. -___-
It's okay. SAT class is fun...

I'm excited for the Secret Santa Party!! Mainly for the friends and food. I haven't eaten good food...in forever. No joke. I've been eating tuna sandwhich's all day. Yesterday, my mom didn't expect me to eat dinner. I ate somen for lunch...and that was it. Then, around 8:oo I asked her what I was going to eat for dinner...she looked at me like, "What?! You want dinner? You're crazy!"
So, I was like "...."
She responded with, "Didn't you eat lunch?"
"Yes...at 12...."
WTF WOMAN. D:

>.> I'm going to go eat cereal.

I was just kidding.

2008-12-24T20:35:00.000-08:00

about my SAT schedule. whatever. it still sucks, i just mixed the dates around a bit.

i cant wait until break is over.
i seriously cant wait. i just wish i could fast forward life. until i'm 26.
hopefully, ill be happy.

i'm so tired. and melancholy.

i wishhhhh for a fiiissshhh.

feet cemented to the ground

2008-12-21T10:52:00.000-08:00

owen--why do you have such an amazing taste in music?! i love the song on your blog. (: do i hear jason mraz!?! and sorry about your bad week. ): even though you got to stay indoors >.>

christmas came by too quickly. it seems like last week we were celebrating thanksgiving...now i have to attend weirdo parties...-___- at least the food is yummy.
it doesnt feel like break for me. maybe cause i still have to study. .__.'
oh well. at least i get the majority of my break off. i was super hungry yesterday. all i ate was sashimi. so i randomly ate some apples, tortilla chips, cheesecake bars, and drank lots of root buuuur. i was supposed to do hw yesterday, but i dont have my math book. and i couldnt concentrate on catcher. i have a headache. i think i woke up too early. my eyes feel super heavy. i havent really woken up yet. T^T i keep on yawning. but it was waaay too cold to sleep. it was freezing when i woke up. so i couldnt go back to sleep because i was uncomfy. i want funnel cake soooo bad. i want to go to irvine spectrum...just for funnel cake. ugh ugh ugh. ): i was thinking that i havent done anything. yesterday, i stayed home ALL day long. it was sooo boring. all i did was watch tv. and eat. i was getting sick, so i decided it was better to just stay inside and not risk getting worse.

monday- sat class until 5:30 1
tuesday- christmas party at like 5
wednesday- christmaaaaas.
thursday- sat class until 5:30 2
friday- sat class until 5:30 3
saturday- secret santa party!
sunday- noooothing.
monday- sat class until 5:30 4
tuesday- sat class until 5:30 5
wednesday- sat class until 5:30 6
thursday- new years!
friday- sat class until 5:30 7
saturday- sat class until 5:30 8
sunday- ALA!

between all of this im reading catcher. and posting stupid forum posts. .__. im too lazy. i checked, freaking joey alves is already on pg. 60 GET A LIFE. OMG. BREAK JUST STARTED.
and i have to finish BAND OF BROTHERS. yayay. procrastination.
then i need to study study study.
and i really want to spend some free time baking.