prayer is the best form of therapy

i'm scared right now.
i can't stop imagining something happening and it will be the end.
i can't stop praying or crying.
i feel like every second is so delicate.


i remember staying up all night at june lake and talking about our grandpa's and everything.
you were one of the only ones to stick with me.
i don't ever remembering you missing a birthday call.
or a call to catch up.
you could always make me laugh
and when things went wrong you always knew how to comfort me.
i've known you my whole entire life and i'm so happy you've been there forever.

thanks for all the memories. you're always in my prayers. God will take care of you, Michael, and you'll make it out just fine. things will be okay and in a couple of weeks you'll be home and we can hang out. God will do amazing things. be strong.


please pray for my friend michael ohno. he just went through an intense surgery and is currently recovering.

it's just too good

now that tim is leaving, i'm going to be really lonely.
i know we get into a lot of fights.
and i know we don't always get along.
we seem to always argue
and i seem to always be upset.
but you know, right after he left my house at 5 today...
i felt so alone.
i miss him so much already, and he hasn't even left yet.

i used to think that i would be okay when he left for school.
now, i don't really know anymore.

i'm always tired! i around 3 pm...i always feel like taking a super long nappy nap.

this is my last week of summer basically.
i have a lot to do.

make costumes for asb camp
finish bubbles
prepare for asb camp
prepare for church camp
finish french hw


"i don't want to be alive, i want to live"

if you fall back into my life

i promise you i would never let another day just pass us by
i want to be your only one

i hate waking up early every single morning.
i am happy to quit work after this week.
i'm really excited for church camp...i really love it up there.
i wish i was at camp now. i wish camp was more than just 6 days.
i leave this sunday and i return next saturday.
it's going to be an interesting year, but i know God will have a lot to teach me.
i'm willing to listen and i'm eager to learn.
i've had some mixed feelings about this for awhile.
but i'm so dependent on God...
He is my answer.

it's like forgetting

the words to your favorite song
you can't believe it,
you were always singing along
it was so easy
and the words so sweet
you can't remember
you try to feel the beat

i guess this is a blessing.
i feel like everything will just get worse.
we are just hanging on to our lives.
i wish it was easier, but it isn't.
i'll be gone for awhile.
hopefully i'm able to find myself.
and find the answers.
although, i'm too afraid to ask the questions.
it was never easy,
but i did it anyways
right now, i can't really remember why.
i guess that's just something i have to look forward to
my legs are a bit sore from yesterday.
but the feeling of just doing whatever you want was nice.
my hands smell like garlic.
it smells kinda nice but kinda gross.
i love flavor.
the risks we were taking
the mistakes we were making
at the time it all seemed worth it
but now i'm not so sure
all i know now is,
i have a wonderful boyfran, best fran, and sista.
even with all this crap from ASB and cosplay group going on...
i have people to rely on.
and i have God.
which makes my life...not easier...but...safer.

i don't know why i've been blogging so much.
i feel sorta stupid, seeing how my blog isn't on private. anyone can read this.

when you don't know who is reading your thoughts,
it makes it more genuine.

hiccups

are very annoying.
it's about 3 am.
i'm super tired.
but super out of it.
i'm sorta pissed.
and nobody is online to vent to.
i guess i can vent tomorrow.
hopefully all goes as planned.
i just sneezed, and i think my hiccups went away.
thank God for that.
i should start packing for camp.
less than a week away.

sleeepy

i should be asleep.
but i can't seem to get up and brush my teeth.
back and forth. back and forth.
i'm excited, but i don't want this summer to end.
i just want to walk around the streets clueless.
it seems more interesting that way, i guess.


live through this, and you won't look back
all this time you thought i was sad, i was trying to remember your name
i'm not sorry there's nothing to say

i guess so

today was a bit disappointing.
but, i guess everything was for the best.
i still feel stupid.
and i guess...in the end...i got the outcome i least wanted.
and i was right. it did feel super crappy.

refusal.

there's too much going on right now.
humans can be so stubborn.
so self righteous, prideful.

"people refuse to understand anyone else. to even think of someone else's position. it's insane."

i ran into street preachers today. they tried to tell me who God was.
they told me to go home and pray more.
they told me that i sin.
they told me a lot.
when i tried having a conversation about God, they shot me down.
they acted like i didn't know what i was talking about.
they acted like i was just trying to joke around.
i was serious.
it makes me sad to see my brothers and sisters being tormented by their own self-righteousness.
they told me they were sinners.
i told them i was too.
they still tried to act better than me.
i didn't really understand.
but i prayed for them tonight.

its alright.

i feel so upset.
i haven't stopped crying for two whole days.
i'm sick of being pushed around and walked over.
there's so much i let slip past me because i don't want trouble.
sometimes, i feel if i say how i feel, it will be too mean.
i don't want people to feel upset with me.
and partly, i'm scared that if i say something mean to someone,
they might say something worse back.
even though they deserve it.
even though i'm trying my best.
is it really worth my efforts?
i wish thinks would fix themselves.
but then again, i do have God.

long live the king

i eat curry almost everyday.
it's starting to make me full.

and they scream and they scream and they scream, "long live the king, long live the queen!"

i've been feeling sad lately.
i guess i'll just have to wait and see.

sometimes i'd stand by the royal wall
the sky'd be so big that it broke my soul
and i stood on my toes to catch a glimpse
of my mother's eyes and my mother's skin
and she retired to her chamber

hypocrite

i hate feeling angry. but i can't help it.
you're such a hypocrite its ridiculous.

my teeth hurt

my retainer kills me. it really does. my mouth has a heartbeat. and it beats fast.
why must you hurt me so, retainer?
haha. stupid. my mouth seriously is in pain. i have a legit retainer with rubber bands. its on the top of my mouth and the bottom. its better than braces i guess. haha.

i finally downloaded regina spektor's new album. it's really hot in my house.

i don't know what i'm more afraid of. i don't want any more regrets.
so i guess i'll just have to deal with the one i already hold.

i was walking through the city...like a drunk...but not.

LA tmrw. i'm stoked. (:

an addiction to hands and feet
there's a meat market down the street
the boys and girls watch each other eat
when they really just wanna watch each other sleep

i'm a bit over it, to be completely honest.

i was fine all day

but now i feel sick.

taking my blood test on saturday.

we'll see how it turns out.

praying for the best.

i won't let this ruin me.

of each to his own

i love blogging. i do it like errday now.

i don't want to live without you.
i don't want to live i don't want to live without you.
pull out your folding chair and take a seat next to me.

and i effing love regina spektor's new album. gosh. she is my favorite artist. ever!

leaves become most beautiful when they're about to die
when they're about to fall from trees and they're about to dry

work today was awesome. i got to sub for the 1st grade class! those kids are so effing cute. i love them!!! so i had a good day!

i just want to go walking through the city and admire life.
i wish i was in LA right now. i miss the city
i'm sick of these dull suburbs. i wish i could just run free through a field.
i guess, anywhere but here.

i want my computer to be fixed so i can update my ipod and put my music on there.
life is getting dull without a soundtrack to it.

i love mi xao! i love viet food. srs. its so good. i really want noodles. noodles are good. so yummy. i like crispy noodles! mi xao! plus mi xao is fun to say.

gosh dangit, why is regina spektors voice so inspiring?! i srs just want to dance around, dress trendy, and eat fruit.

and i want starbucks. srs. passion tea lemonade shaken.
i also want to cut my bangs. even though i just got a hair cut, i feel like dying it purple. or something q. i want flufffy haaair.
i want hair like mari! haha just kidding. okay this blog is turning into nothing.

the consequence of sounds.
the consonants and vowels.
i wanna turn it down, but there ain't no knob.

no one is laughing

I love this post secret. I made some iced coffee. With soy milk and hazelnut cream...it was good. I then peeled some potatoes and carrots and now I'm grilling some corn. Later, I'm going to make banana bread. Yum.
Last night was fun. (:

let's live it up

all the fears i've been having all year
they melted away last night
the friends i had
the friends i lost
it's all coming back
and i couldn't be happier
if it doesn't turn out the other way, it will always turn out one way
and i'm happy.

i love it.
so much.
God opened my heart last night.
and He told me that we're coming back.
i can't wait.

it's going to happen. and i miss you guys. seriously. it's so different now.

"but why should we sit around and think, 'the past was awesome', when we can have that now? just 10 times better...that's what i think..."

i'll be tossing rocks at your window.
just give me a fifth chance.

you have a cold kiss

i remember a few years ago
you always let me down
but you picked me up when i couldn't manage to do it myself
i believed in you as much as i believed in the sun
now i feel the mixture of regret and belief
what will become of these?
the dark walks through out the forest
i feel as if that world is long gone, and i will never be apart of it again
but i long so much to see the dark again
the sun convinced me to turn my back,
but it wasn't worth it
i learned now that its really contagious
if i could waste more time, i would do it
but i could never be that same way as i was
that smile could never be the same
i just want it to happen again
i want to smile like i smiled in the dark
cause its no fun anymore my dear
i am sorry

i want to go back to where we were all friends.
i regret it all.
and i take responsibility for it all.
let's just pretend it never happened.
but then again, it's my inspiration.
and i am determined to make this work.
even if it kills me.





i wont go until you come outside

AX 2009

So AX was filled with a lot of curry.
But I still managed to have fun. (:
Our room got messed up, but we managed to make it work. Thanks Dorothy for the airbeds.
Our Shaman King cosplay was amazing. We didn't have time to do a photoshoot, but I really wish we did. Masquerade also went really well! We got Best Group Presentation runner up! So yaaay! (: That's equivalent to 2nd Place.

I'm really going to miss PK! And everyone else.
I'm also excited for the bonfire. (:
And when Priscilla and I go to the Rilakkura store and buy everything.
Rilakkura is the cutest effing thing in the world.
I bought so much stuff.
<3 I miss AX...but AX10 will be amaaazing. (: