celine dion

i love her more than anything!
if i had known last summer that i would have been going to her concert, it would have made me the happiest girl ever!
i was in awe the whole time.
im such a hug celine dion fan.
shes so amazingly beautiful and perfect! her body is amazing. shes so fit for someone of her age. not only that, her voice is amazing. nobody can send chills down my spine like celine dion can! i was so grateful that once in my lifetime i got to see her in person. shes amazing.

today i saw OUR TOWN with tim. he came over before and talked to my mom about SAT classes. and stuff. SHE EFFING LOVES HIM. oh gosh. it makes me smile.
then afterwards, tim and i walked around, got salted caramel hot chocolate (but i couldnt finish it, so he did) and enjoyed our time together.

it's almost over...

tonight im going to see celine dion. i freaking love celine dion. i have her last concert on DVD...and i've watched it like a bajillion times. last summer i found out she was performing in november. i called my mom and said, "CAN WE GO?!?" $300 per ticket was too expensive for our taste. so. no celine for katie. on thursday my aunty called my mom and grandma, saying she had extra tickets and wanted to take them to see celine. my grandma said, okay, and my mom said "can i give the ticket to katie?" soooo. yep. i get to see celine. i cried from excitment. celine is amazing. her voice sends chills down my spine! i thought i would never get to see her up close. not only that, my aunty got the suite...so im super close and super comfortable. im really excited, but i have to spend the whole day at my aunties house! i was like "what the heck, the concert starts at 8 why am i going at 2:30 to her house?" so i packed my ds. its charging now. im ready to go! not really. i hope it isnt awkward because they are all older...and im younger...and i dont know that side of the family too well. i'm sure i'll be fine..its freaking celine dion. because you loved my is my wedding song. i already picked it. if she were to sing at my wedding, i would die. like no joke, die. i thought i would never get to see her perform. ever. and i get to tonight. my cousin is going, but her seats arent with ours. shes 11. when i found out my uncle bought her tickets i was like "YOU DONT DESERVE TO GO OMG." seriously. she cant...experience it like the true fans can...i think shes a bit spoiled. she gets whatever she wants. how is she going to learn to treat things special when all her life shes been getting what she wants? if i got to see all these expensive concerts when i was younger, i dont think i would be able to distinguish what is important and what isnt. a celine dion concert is for lucky people. i consider myself SUPER lucky that i am able to go. she thinks of it as nothing.
okay. SAT class time.
byebye.

nevermind. my class is at 12:00.

okay. so black friday shopping was pretty good. i enjoyed spending time with my gurls. and i like my new jeans. yay for jeans that fit. last time, i bought two pairs of BDG's at urban. each $50. size 27. they dont fit at all. they are so big, i slip them on without even unbuttoning or unzipping them. and, i have to wear a belt up to my belly button, and its still super loose. the belt buckle bruises my skin, and leaves rashes sometimes. i hate wearin those pants. yesterday, i bought two pairs of jeans frm forever. they are size 24. 25&26 were too big! i was like, "are you serious?!?!" i guess i never realized how small my waist was. if only my thighs were smaller. >.> i bought some good stuff from urban, and thats about it. i met cookies&dreams, which was pretty cool. they are really fun. i ate lunch with tim,andrew,kevin,ruth&dorothy. red robins! i know it sounds weird...but i really love it when tim finishes my food for me. i dont eat that much, unless its super good, (like taiko last night), and i always feel guilty about leaving food behind. everytime i cant finish something, tim does for me! it makes me so happy. i feel like i dont have to force myself to eat something, and i just do what makes me comfortable cause he will always eat my leftovers. (: and hes really fun!!! i like shopping with him. he carries my bags, and tells me what looks good or not. tim is a good friend. i can always be myself around him, and never have to worry that he wont like me for who i am. anyways, after that i went home and did an AX meeting.
oh.my.gosh. my sora wig MELTED. i left it on my lamp, and the heat melted it. so i need to order a new one. im so sad. i tried very hard not to cry. i loved that wig. sad day for katie edwards...after filming videos and meeting-stuff, we went to TAIKO+YLAND+PURI KURA. it was a good break after our meeting. we did lots of puta kura. i really enjoyed it! and the taiko food was so yum. joshy and i shared tempura,TUNA SASHIMI, and ate everyone elses food. ive never been so full. i dont really like tempura, but tuna sashimi...my gosh, it melted in my mouth!!! its the best thing...maguro sashimi is my all time favorite.
overall, it was a pretty good day.
except for the end, when my chest started to hurt. and i couldnt stand up! and i felt like DYING. i hope i dont have heart problems. that would suxxorz. i couldnt even talk. my whole body was in pain.

my thighs

are huge. they are disgustingly huge. i have never been so fat. my stomach is getting bigger and bigger. ive actually been eating food. i have no self-discipline anymore. i just eat and eat.
im so disappointed in myself. i let myself stuff my face.
i should have tried harder to stop eating so much.
all this bad food. snacks. i was working so hard to maintain a healthy life style.
i cant anymore.

i dont care anymore.

I LOVE URIBE.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Quiz next Tuesday on Chapter 17

Finish THursday's assignment - Link found on Nelson's site-- Our class site.

Assignment: Enjoy your Thanksgiving.



whooooooo no DBQ's
yayayay. <33333
hes so sneaky.

ch. 6 chem lab
slavery stats worksheet
english crap
math hw...i dont think im going to do this until sunday night and monday morning
francais jeux de musique.
study SATs with tim xue.

im going to do my chem lab today...and the english crap.
tomorrow ill work on my apush stuff..
tomorrow is thanksgiving...
then friday is going to be my highlight...
saturday will be crappy because i have SAT class...
sunday will be FINISH HW TIME.
cause i will procrastinate.

you should be worried;

because its falling apart.

i know that life takes risks, but must all of them be so fragile?
i dont recall signing a paper that said "you'll screw up everyday."
if you live each moment to the fullest, when do you have time to reflect upon what you learned from each experience?
must be eaten at room temperature. then it tastes the best.
i need you to sit beside me and tell me your fears; for only then will i truly know you.
im happy you are doing well. as long as you are happy, i can be satisfied that i did something right.
i only care about being perfect because i want to impress you, is that wrong?
my selfish desires lead to my greatest downfalls.

none of this should make sense to you.
it barely makes sense to me.
im just typing nonsense as motivation to take a shower and get some sleep.

the rain scares me.
ill shower in the morning.

they can change the locks, don't let them change your mind

She said don't change your mind
Let's leave this town behind
We'll race right off the cliff
They will remember this
It all got so mundane
With you I'm back again
Just take me by the hand
We're close to the edge

Blinded by the lights
Hold you through forever
Won't let you go

Run, baby, run
Don't ever look back.
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance.
Don't sell your heart.
Don't say we're not meant to be.
Run, baby, run.
Forever will be
You and me.

thanks,

tim xue.
you taught me a lot today.
i enjoy spending time with you.
you are very intellectual.



i watched 5 hours of band of brothers.
how fun.
not.
its mari's birthday today!!!! yaaaay!!!
happy birthday baby guuurl.

i went to yogurtland with tim,andrew,kevin,dorothy,and ruth. o.O
we spent 3 hours talking.
it was..........fun. yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

well..i think all that yogurt is making me tired...goodnight moon.

MY POSTSECRETS CAME.

yesyesyesss! they are in my possession! i sneaked a peek and i looked through a couple pages of "My Secret" but other than that im not going to look until i open them up christmas day!!!
im so excited. whooooo<3

the asb thanksgiving dinner was sooo much fun. (:
karaoke, YUMMY FOOD, and catch phrase.

im ready for this break.
well. okay. heres my to-do list.

online chem lab
apush dbq's
english reading assignments
5 page long math assignment
read band of brothers
french mv project

j'aime.

j'aime mes copains.
j'aime ma famille.
j'aime ma chienne.
j'aime mon école.
j'aime ma vie.
mais, je t'adore.

i've been very tired lately. but i've been working hard. it's time for me to rest. i need to be more compassionate and loving. i've been a bit bored with life. well, not really bored, just...tired. ma vie est fatigant. j'adore francais! j'aime le parler tout le temps. if you didn't notice, i used "le" before parler. i failed that test. but i still know how to use it. it made me excited. i thought, how do i say "i like to speak it all the time" i was like...hmmm "tout le temps." "j'aime parler." i almost put in a "cette" then i remembered "le"! yay. i'm learning fraaaanch.
alright. time to rest.

"you're mind is now free to wander"

i sorta miss hanging out with you. just a little bit. we haven't really talked to eachother in so long. you're never around anymore. i wish you would come back into my life. i worry about you every single day. you mean a lot to me; you were there for me when no one else was. i'm praying for your health and safety. stay strong. i love you.

arigatou.

I'm so thankful for Ruth Kim. I love her.
She's my bestfraan forever.
I never thought I would meet anyone so spectacular and caring.
Thanks for always being there, Ruth. I love you. (:

My Tim Xue. (: You couldn't make me happier.
I magma you.
I'm very blessed that you have come into my life.

If I don't say this now,

I will surely break.


I always listen to The Fray when life starts to suck. I guess their emo stuff works for me.
And Jason Mraz. He's upbeat.

I watched the rest of Forrest Gump today. I've been trying to finish that movie for years. I finally said to myself, "I'm already upset. So it's okay if I cry."
I cried so hard. It makes me want to cry when I think about it.
But...I also become very optimistic.
I'll find happiness, one day.

I slept in until 1 p.m.
Then I just sat on the couch watching t.v.
I ate a small lunch.
I was on and off my computer.
Other than that, I didn't do anything.

I don't feel like doing anything.
I just feel like falling asleep and never waking up.

why do i try anymore.

I feel as if everything I do is a waste. I waste space everywhere I go. It's not like anything I do really matters. Nobody appreciates me at all. I'm not good enough for anyone. I'm selfish, hateful, deceitful, annoying...I'm overall just a waste of space. I waste everyone's time just by living. I have a good life. I have a good home, a good education, good financial support. I don't deserve the life I have and I know it. Someone else deserves my life; it sickens me to think that I am taking away someone else's opportunities. I'm not good enough. I'm horrible at everything I do. I'm not smart...I can't get good grades no matter how hard I try. I can't play sports...I'm too weak and I lose. I'm not artistically gifted...I can't sing, dance, draw, or play instruments. Someone else deserves my life. I really wish someone else had my life. I want to suffer. I deserve to suffer, because nothing I do is every good enough. I blame myself completely. It's my own fault that I can't do anything right. It's my fault. I hate myself for it. I'm so unsatisfied with my life. I can't look in the mirror without feeling hatred for my own face. It pisses me off to look at myself because I'm so disgusting. Everyone knows I'm not good enough. Everyone knows that I'll never amount to anything. Everyone knows I'm not talented or smart. I just want to end my life. Right now. I just want my life to be over with. I'm so ungrateful. God blessed me with so much, but I don't want it. I can't stop crying. I've been crying for a good hour or so. It seems like everyone is appreciated for something. I'm not a good friend to anyone, no one ever considers my advice...I don't blame them. I'm not a good girlfriend. I'm not good enough to be anyones girlfriend...I'm too selfish. I get upset over the little things, and I end up chasing everyone I love away. I'm such a cold hearted person. Everyone knows how I hate; I bring the bad out of everyone. I'm so sorry. I don't deserve anything. I don't deserve friends. I don't deserve family. I wish I would just stop breathing. I'm a waste of space. Someone else deserves my life.
I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I really mean that; I'm sorry I'm wasting everyones time.

I just want to disappear...I hate myself.

Two years before my grandpa died, I visited him in his nursing home. I never liked visiting him. I'm not going to lie, I hated sitting down in a room filled with old people hooked up on tubes. They were clinging on to life. I walked in the room. I sat down next to him. He looked at me, I looked back.
"Are you Phyllis?"
My heart stopped. No. I'm Katie. Your grandaughter. Come on.
"No, Daddy, this is Katie. Shes my daughter."
You took care of me. You raised me. I'm your grandaughter.
"Ahhh...I don't remember..."
I lived with you for my whole life. I sat by you next to dinner everynight. I talked to you everyday after school. I'm Katie, your grandaughter.
I left the room. I walked into the bathroom. I sat on the side of the tub. I cried. No, I bawled. My heart felt like it was ripped out, cut up, and then pulverised.
He forgot me. He forgot me. He forgot me.
I was taking too long. I walked outside. I sat by his chair. Just talking, fighting back my tears.
After I got home, I cried. I cried all night. I cried and cried and cried.
I never wanted to go back there.
A year later, he got pnemonia. He went to the hospital. He stayed there. I went once. He remembered me. I wanted to go back. I wanted to talk to him more. I never wanted to leave. After awhile, he became contagious. I couldn't visit him anymore. Then, he died. He left me. He left me, and I didn't get to say goodbye. I would never forget how upset I was. I would never forget how bad it hurt. I forced him out of my life in order to protect myself. My grandpa was gone. Forever. He wasn't coming back.
I told that story at his funeral. I miss my grandpa so much. I love him so much. It hurts everytime I think about how he couldn't remember me. He was my grandpa. He raised me. And he forgot my name.
I wish I could see him again. I wish I could hug him again. I wish I could tell him I'm sorry for not visiting after he got sick. I wish I showed my love more when he was alive.
After he died, my family lost its value. Every Thanksgiving, Christmas, or birthday was just another reason to remember he is gone.
It was hard to watch my grandpa suffer with alzheimers.
It was even harder when I had to let him go.

I am envious of my grandpa. He lived a long and prosperous life.
And he's in heaven. I would give so much to be with him right now.


I'm not good enough for anything, anymore.
And I care. I care a lot.

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”

"Love someone when they least deserve it, because that's when they need it most."

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

“The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.”

“Victory is sweetest when you've known defeat.”

j'ai besoin dormir.

i need sleeeeeep.
i took at nap at like 6:00..and i woke up at 7:00.
i studied my fraaanch. and i already finished my chem,math,and i did crucible vocab.
tonight was totally a study night. yet..what the freak am i supposed to study.
i had no reason to study. i finished everything. and i was just sitting and staring
at my apush book. i dont want to study apush. im so tired. i just want to sleep.

im going to sleep at 9 tonight, so i can curl my hair tomorrow morning.
im getting sick of straight hair, to be honest.
i need to spice up my life a bit.

i was walking after school today, (you dont need the details), but i was just thinking about how horrible im doing in school. i was putting everything on the line, taking a huge risk. a sense of relief finally overwhelmed me; i was actually the happiest girl in the world.

these words

were never easier for me to say.

ive had a pretty chill weekend.
saturday i went to the post camp rally. it was good seeing everyone again. my cabin leader got engaged. exciting. and i caught up with some old friends. which is always good. i missed some people. but yeah, overall, it was good.
sunday...i seriously. slept all day. i woke up at 4 pm. so i didnt really do much. i attempted my chem homework. but i was too lazy. and i gave up.
yesterdaaay. tim came over in the morning and we hung out for awhile. after he left, i ate lunch all lonesome! hehe. its okay. and i finished my chem hw. then i took a super long nap, because tim came over at like 9 am! je n'ai pas voulu me reveiller, mais, c'est tim. mon petit ami. oh ho ho ho. ouuuii. (:
i went to cherry on top with my mama last night. it SUCKED. it was soo cute and sooo nice looking. but it was really bad. the flavors sucked. i was like "wheres my asian flavors?" they seriously had like chocolate...pumpkim pie..strawberry banana...vanilla..i wanted taro,mango,grn tea, THE GOOD STUFF. whatever. they had cheesecake. haha. thats like, one of my new favorites. cheesecake with cheesecake bits and graham crackers. i watched GG. maaan. their lives suck. jenny's life sucks. hardcore sucks. dans life is okay. blairs life is...well it could be worse. serena is all like "i dont have a boyfriend!" and chuck is always hot. so whatever. hehehe. naw, his life is good in this episode. and wheres nate! je ne sais pas!
alright. today i made an effort to wake up before 12! SO HERE I COME APUSH BROCHURE. I HAVE NOT YET STARTED YOU, BUT I HAVE 12 HOURS. BETCH. YOU WILL BE CONQUERED.

happy veterans day, grandpa.
i still appreciate you for everything you've done for this family.
i really miss you. i hope you are enjoying heaven.
i love you.

i fucking did EVERYTHING for the edison gifts.
i found the hats.
i bought the candy.
i bought the bags.
i filled them.
i made the cards.

i cant do EVERYTHING by myself.
but that doesnt mean i didnt work my ass off for this.

im so sick of being unappreciated.

i do so much shit for asb.

we deserved it

i have never been so upset by a sport related loss.
we deserved that bell.
it was ours.
it should be ours.
i could not be more upset...
when kyle ran...i began to cry.
the game would have been OURS.
and we fucking deserved it.
the scoreboard...we LOST like 10 seconds...for no reason.

i know, i barely understand football.
but we deserved the fucking bell.
edison doesnt.
that bell belongs to us.

although we lost...i am still so proud of our team...
they deserve that bell more than the whole fucking city of huntington beach deserves it.
next year, its ours.

cheering so hard, i felt like i was going to pass out.
screaming so loud that my throat was burning.
doing all of this with only 4 hours of sleep.
being under complete stress.
pounding my fists into walls night after night, until they turned bright red.
it was for you guys.
you deserved it.
fountain valley deserves it.

cinergy.

it was really good.
i saw...a lot of people i missed.
its like, i entered the room..and felt it.
my amazing friends. i sit down. and it felt so right.
being in a theater with all the people i love.
walking outside, looking at the LA city lights..feeling their abundant love. (:
i caught up with my lizzie. ohh dear. how i missed her..haha!
im so happy i get to see her next weekend also.
jocelyn also started to text me..which really made me smile. (:
and riannaaaa!! oh dear. its like, i text her everyday, yet hanging out is much better.
surprisingly, i saw EVAN! whatthefreak. my face literally..just froze. i was expressionless for a bit..i did NOT expect to see him here. i think he saw me, cause my face was like. o____o
haha, but it was good catching up with him also.

how can you hate, when theres so much more to love?